Abort, Abort, Abort. Resume Fetal possition.

Well.....

I guess I should explain my previous blog. although I think If I left it that way it'd be all cool and mysterious. Like I'm arty. which I am, I just like things explained. I am up for interpretation, but I don't really care what you get out of it. I mean, me. My thoughts.....Anyways...

I might be moving. To Guelph. From Dunbarton to whatever schools are in Guelph. For my dads' work. But we're apparently like 100 m out of range for paid moving or whatever. So my dad will probably have an hour and a half commute, which is a bitch. Or we could move. But do I want to move? I hate the people here so much, and my school is so lame for clubs, and everyone is so dumb. And I've always been Jealous that everyone I know moved elementary schools. They all have firneds they can vent to that aren't involved.

I mean, I have my sailing friends, but they're all older. I try talking to H, but mostly she has her own problems (mostly because she's really moody and complicated, tee hee. I pray she never knows I think that.) and she's too old to relate. She's 5 years older but we've been friends forever. She vents to me all the time, but when I try to vent to her she giggles and says my problems are childish. Ouch. Have you looked at YOUR problems lately? Just because you get drunk and have sex doesn't make yours mature, and mine juvenille, thanks.

M's a good friend I can talk to, but he's busy with his girlfriend. N' has his own issues and never comes online. Or to camp anymore. It hurts me that he did what he did, and that they're treating it like a dirty secret. We all know, and we all care. Don't treat us like you're expecting us to judge badly, you should know us better than that.

Other than that, who do I have? Sure there are my Convention friends, but they are the type to be too busy partying to hear me. S would listen, for sure. But she's not always there. J's LEAVING. Cutting ALL TIES.

He's why I broke down the other day, why I'm writing this. I mean, I saw his note on FB that he's probably cutting all ties and moving to FLORIDA to try and start again. Well somewhere in between that and Remembering Sunday - All Time Low I started crying, and I couldn't stop.

Because My Friends might be immature, and some of them only ask me to help them with school, and some never invite me anywhere and some are drifting apart which hurts me really bad....
I don't want to move. I like what I have here and I don't think I'd be accepted where I'd go. Like, What if there is no SR, SS? No MS, MR? No KQ? No CS or MQ or KT? Who will look after the people I know, who will be their Mama, or make sure they don't fail French. Who will make sure they make it through their brakeup? Who will beat those guys up? Who will be the shoulder to cry on? Who will always be available? Who will make sure my friends don't get into smoking or drugs or sex? Who will look after J? Who will hold rain parties? Who will promise to take them sailing?

I guess I could be replaced, or my role could be forgotten.

My mom moved in grade 12, she graduated with little to no friends. I didnt' want to ask.
And of course I'd be moving in grade 11 or 12. My mom says Dad could move and when I go to university I'd stay in dorms and she'd move to him again.

Am I going to put my friends before my family and split us up? Can I do that? Could I be that selfish? Could I last two years without my dad? Could my parents get together and not think about whether or not they liked it better alone? Do I have to choose? Would I change? that's stupid, Yes I would. Would I like the change in me? Is it for the better? Worse?

S, Please cry for me. I'll cry for so much more. Please tell me you'll cry for me.
Everybody, please say you'll miss me.
Please say you know who I am.
Please say you'll keep me who I am.
Please say you'll visit.
Please say I meant something to you.
Because what I'm really afraid of is you going on without me.
And Me not going on without you.
That you're the only kids who'd give me a second glance.
That you're the only kids I'd want to give me a second glance.

Such Is this,
Alice Dotty


Chanson Du Jour: Remembering Sunday - All time Low

I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
So many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds,
Towering over your head.

"Well I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home"