So KB and I walked to Wally-world (wal-mart) from Morningside, didn't go to Tae kwon do though.
Anyways she bought a bag of smartfood like a tool, like does my bag look that big to you? So she asked me to sneak it in so I put it under my jacket and walked like I was pregnant, when JL and CD saw us in the window, they died. So did I, when I saw my reflection. Ohhh dear.
Got a new record in In the Groove Arcade, (Yeeeeeah bitcheees)Sat down to watch the movie like 30 min before and OW tells me the girl behind me asked her if any tall people would be sitting where I'm sitting and she had said no, so I turn around "OHMIGOD CAN YOU SEE?"
"Uhh....Yeah?"
"areyousure?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"Do you want gummi worms?" (From wally world)
"No. I'm fine"
Other twimoms crack up.
"Do YOU want some gummies?"
"No thanks you, we're fine"
AND THEY LAUGHED AT EVERYTHING. OH LORDY, I LOVE THEM.
At the end of the movie they told us we made their night and they hope we run into each other next June (Eclipse comes out)
Every time someone got hurt KB would laugh, I took off my bandana and gave it to her so she could cover her laughs. People were shushin' all over but she was trying so hard to be quiet. NK was screaming every time anything remotely un-safe happened. Ohhhh god. Hahaha!
KD and CD were talking in full-volume the ENTIRE TIME! In Scarburough? DO YOU WANNA GET SHOT? STFU.
I was shushing her so we didn't get kicked out and the twimoms thought it was hilarious.
KD: "OH MY GOD. Did you see-"
Me: "WHISPER!!!"
Twimoms burst out laughing and I realize my command was about as hypocritical as you get.
Bitchy girl shushes us.
And they wouldn't whisper! they would for a sentence then again "OH MY GOD" at something.
SHIT CONTROL YOURSELVES!
Anyways, New Moon was awesome, the rest of today? Not so much. In Math, everyone bombed the math. We had worked so hard for the cumulative that no one had time for the new stuff, and she never reviewed it.I was fully there at 8 and Mr. Mathteacher was in a meeting until class started, then the test was just out, like bang. I felt like crying, and RP, who I don't like was. She's in my second period too, along with another girl (SP) who was helping her out. RP FULLY ASKED THE TEACHER "is this type of question on the test?" and she said NO but there were THREE questions! Ouch.
And I had to quit School Alliance of Student Songwriters, I just have too much to do and not enough time! So I was upset because Mr. O was so nice and she was sad that I had to quit. I felt like such a failure.
And in English, My supposed safe haven I got into my group with J-something and KD (same one from the movie) and we're doing a project on Happiness in To Kill a Mockingbird; does it come from helping yourself or helping others? And J is completely wrapped up in thinking that it's asking "Does happiness come from accepting yourself as who you are or conforming to society so that people accept you. And instead of "Everyone's a bit of both" like we originally had, she's trying to make a chart of who's on what side, and then I started to help and BANG she's back to "This isn't working! Everyone's a bit of both. Do you want to base it on that instead?" How about YES because we ALREADY DID THAT and I have NO IDEA what you're talking about ANYWAYS. And I'm not good with not understanding English work because English work is where I live, It's what I do. I'm and English kid, It's my thing that I am just automatically good at. And Now I'm not in charge and I'm LOST, even.
So I went to the bathroom, just to breath. And I got myself together and went back.
As soon as I stepped in I saw J and freaked out again, but I sat down until KD left, and I couldn't stand not knowing and failing and being with J, who will not listen to anything I say. I tried understanding her, I really really did. But she's wrong and I have no idea what she's trying to do because that's not our project. She's rude and scary and hard to look in the eye because she holds her face weird and it scares me and I freaked out. So I left, put my drama face on and told mr. Englishteacher I was going to the bathroom. I ran out the door and cried and rocked and walked, and breathed but I couldn't breath so I just gasped for a while and it made funny noises.
But I got too cold so I had to walk inside, walk past all the music theater kids practicing, and breath, but I still was working on not gasping, so I stood just past my room until the bell rang and I waited for J to leave. Somewhere between my friends not asking or noticing despite them talking to me, and having three people I don't know well in French class ask me if I was okay, I learned to breath. I breathed and one girl in French class asked if I was okay but kept checking in on me. She's so nice, I've talked to her a bit before today. By the end of French class I was breathing, Talking, and...dare I say...enjoying the presentations and dishes from around the francophone world.
But Ms. Math said if we didn't finish our Tests we could go back after school. but I was supposed to stay after school to finish the presentations that are a week overdue. and I was supposed to get a ride with my dad instead of walking in the rain, and I was supposed to get ready for Tae Kwon Do. So I told Mrs. French Teacher that I had a math test to write and I told Mrs. Math teacher that I didn't know what I was doing anyways and I didn't have time, and THE LIGHTS WENT OUT FOR A LONG TIME! and the VP's were kicking us out of the school and they still weren't on when I left. It was awesome to be in the dark like that. That helped me smile.
But my favorite part of today was short lived; about 5 seconds. A walk from the car to the house after New Moon.
It's raining. It's dark, lit by streetlights and porch lights and inside lights that are warm. It's raining, pitter pattery big droplets, and it's hitting the remaining leaves on my from tree and dripping to the ground. It's cold, but brisk. More so refreshing, and nice. Wet, on my skin. I can see my breath and my fingers tingle. I want to stay outside but it's 12:50 and I don't have to go to bed, but I have to go inside. I'll sleep with my window open and my hair up tonight.
I'll listen to the rain and hold the inspiration in my chest that I got from watching a book come to life. From a girl with self-confidence issues, who can live with others but not herself. A girl I used to be, a girl who got saved like me. A girl who was loved, but lost.
This is who I am,
RainDots
Chansons du Jour:
World Behind My Wall - Tokio Hotel
About a Girl - The Academy is...
In My Place - Coldplay
P.s. Someone is asking to read my blog, I told them it's private and it's just an online journal so my mom can't find it. He said he's keep my secrets but I said My secrets aren't secrets if they're not mine. And I didn't say it, but I thought;
What you read reveals more than what I did that day, it's how I went through what I did that day, which is how I get by life, which is by being me. So I'd be giving him the key to my walls, and I don't think I know him enough for that. He's a little bit....creative, with his life tales, in the Dill sense. (To Kill a Mockingbird Reference, by the way)
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