So. Sister is going to drop her Major. Well, trying to convince my mom to let her.
Seriously? You already dropped out of/flunked out of another university.
God. Just because this isn't coming naturally to you and you have to actually try. Hello, welcome to the rest of the world. Oh so nice of you to join us.
You can't just quit cuz it's a little bit hard, You've only been to one class.
Suck it up buttercup, you have one more chance to waste the money that's going towards OUR education. Don't make me beat you.
Anyways, School's hard for me right now. (Notice I didn't say "too?" SHE HAS HAS ONE CLASS)
I come home and I have Math EVERYDAY. then I have at least two other subjects with homework : English French or Science. I'm working until 9 at LEAST everyday. Am I switching my courses to academic? NOPE.
It's my oms only dream to have us go to uni. God, why is this so hard for you?
Such is this, suckily
Rain Dots
Chanson du Jour: The Permanent Rain - The Dangerous Summer
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Where I go At Night
Where I go At Night
When you’re in bed at night, what do you think about? How your day went? What
you could have done better? What You’ll do tomorrow? Remember the good times? Do
you giggle to yourself?
Cry?
Do you wish someone would find you crying and help you? Do you wish someone would knock on your window, or throw stones? Does it ever happen?
Where do you go at night? Stay in bed? Go to a club? Go someplace secret? Go someplace imaginary? Where do you go at night, what do you do when you’re alone in bed, with your thoughts and regrets and anxiety and hope? I go someplace, that I hate, but I have to go.
When you’re in bed at night, what do you think about? How your day went? What
you could have done better? What You’ll do tomorrow? Remember the good times? Do
you giggle to yourself?
Cry?
Do you wish someone would find you crying and help you? Do you wish someone would knock on your window, or throw stones? Does it ever happen?
Where do you go at night? Stay in bed? Go to a club? Go someplace secret? Go someplace imaginary? Where do you go at night, what do you do when you’re alone in bed, with your thoughts and regrets and anxiety and hope? I go someplace, that I hate, but I have to go.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
A Rose by Any Other Name
When I was little, and in the car I remember looking at the trees and thinking "What if we didn't have any trees? They'd just be called something else. Brekelle or something."
Brekelle is a much better name for Tree.
So Shakespeare, I thought of it first! Haha. Kidding, of course.
And I think the ϛ sound is really nice, and pretty is you write it with a C.
My second born girl, with be
Alice Ann. But other names I've thought of, and really like are
Ciel (with a cédille, of course)
Eli
Jo (for a girl)
Nikki
Hikaru
Kokoro
such is this, to be edited later, Byebye!
Rain
Brekelle is a much better name for Tree.
So Shakespeare, I thought of it first! Haha. Kidding, of course.
And I think the ϛ sound is really nice, and pretty is you write it with a C.
My second born girl, with be
Alice Ann. But other names I've thought of, and really like are
Ciel (with a cédille, of course)
Eli
Jo (for a girl)
Nikki
Hikaru
Kokoro
such is this, to be edited later, Byebye!
Rain
Friday, September 11, 2009
"I won't shut up!" Is what I couldn't say, on account of being shut up.
Grandpa is alive and well.
Today in English, Mrs. Johnson asked us if we knew any heroes, like the ones in "My left foot" (about a guy with cerebal palsy in the 1930's, and his mother never gave up on him and then he wrote with his left foot and wrote several books & poems and his memoir, which is written with a huuuge vocabulary)
And I said my mom was a hero, for the time Grandpa was in the hospital and could only swear and sing in French (my grandpa doesn't speak french) and the doctors said he was going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life, and to pull the plug, and my mom said "He's fighting so we will fight" and moved him to another hospital.
I was crying at the end and didn't continue to the part about how his brain was bleeding recently, and how grandpa is a hero like Christy (the guy in the book) because he is a fighter too. and I didn't get to say that she's also a hero for beating cancer, and picking herself up off the ground after. And I didn't get to say how my dad is a hero because he understood how much I didn't want to be there so he stayed with her. If I had gotten there, I would have had to have left. Right away. Because it was so hard to look at myself on the days that I didn't go to the hospital, and it was hard to look at myself on the days I did, because it made it more real.
When my dog died, She was 7, and should have lived longer, but she died of Cancer. When we found the lump, my mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad worked too jobs, and we didn't have the money to help her if we could. I kept saying "She can't have it, because she doesn't deserve it." but I think that's when I stopped believing in god, because there was nothing more terrible than killing that dog, who loved us and was loved by us and was there for everything. there was nothing more cruel than taking her away from me when I loved nothing more.
When we took her to the vet, she was okay, but as soon as she was home, comfortable, she was put on the ground and she just felt safe enough to let her gaurd down, and collapsed. We took her back, and the vet said "Is there anyone who wants to leave the room?" Why would he say that? It wasn't an option before he said that. And I made a choice, and the wrong one, and I regret it everyday. I regret leaving my best friend in her last moments, I regret watching my family walk to the car where I was sitting, and I regret being there for so long and not going in! I should have gone in! Why did I even leave?
Ihave to stop now, because My mom is home and I need to stop crying.
But I've been haveing anxiety attacks a lot, and I think crying is good, maybe?
Such is such, for now.
Rain Dots
Chanson du Jour: Everything We Had - The Academy is...
Today in English, Mrs. Johnson asked us if we knew any heroes, like the ones in "My left foot" (about a guy with cerebal palsy in the 1930's, and his mother never gave up on him and then he wrote with his left foot and wrote several books & poems and his memoir, which is written with a huuuge vocabulary)
And I said my mom was a hero, for the time Grandpa was in the hospital and could only swear and sing in French (my grandpa doesn't speak french) and the doctors said he was going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life, and to pull the plug, and my mom said "He's fighting so we will fight" and moved him to another hospital.
I was crying at the end and didn't continue to the part about how his brain was bleeding recently, and how grandpa is a hero like Christy (the guy in the book) because he is a fighter too. and I didn't get to say that she's also a hero for beating cancer, and picking herself up off the ground after. And I didn't get to say how my dad is a hero because he understood how much I didn't want to be there so he stayed with her. If I had gotten there, I would have had to have left. Right away. Because it was so hard to look at myself on the days that I didn't go to the hospital, and it was hard to look at myself on the days I did, because it made it more real.
When my dog died, She was 7, and should have lived longer, but she died of Cancer. When we found the lump, my mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad worked too jobs, and we didn't have the money to help her if we could. I kept saying "She can't have it, because she doesn't deserve it." but I think that's when I stopped believing in god, because there was nothing more terrible than killing that dog, who loved us and was loved by us and was there for everything. there was nothing more cruel than taking her away from me when I loved nothing more.
When we took her to the vet, she was okay, but as soon as she was home, comfortable, she was put on the ground and she just felt safe enough to let her gaurd down, and collapsed. We took her back, and the vet said "Is there anyone who wants to leave the room?" Why would he say that? It wasn't an option before he said that. And I made a choice, and the wrong one, and I regret it everyday. I regret leaving my best friend in her last moments, I regret watching my family walk to the car where I was sitting, and I regret being there for so long and not going in! I should have gone in! Why did I even leave?
Ihave to stop now, because My mom is home and I need to stop crying.
But I've been haveing anxiety attacks a lot, and I think crying is good, maybe?
Such is such, for now.
Rain Dots
Chanson du Jour: Everything We Had - The Academy is...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
So Here's how this Goes.
Grandpa's funeral was today.
Step-gma was all shakey and tipping over the whole time.
We bought 2 dozen roses and gave them out, I put three on Grandma's headstone because they wanted to be buried together anyways, and then I put one on Grandpa's (He had enough from other people.)
I will forever miss going to Grandpa's house and watching him put in milk before his tea. I will forever miss cabbage rolls and those gaudy, ugly teapots and seafoam colored walls.
R.I.P Grandpa
Then we went to the church, met someone who knew my grandma (she died when I was two.)
Then out to a Linner (lunch/dinner) to one of his favorite spots, had his favorite cellery bread, then we went to his old ice cream spot, then we left. On the way back to the chruch to get my uncles' car, ym mom gets a call saying that grandpa's brain is bleeding.
Holy fucking shit.
Basically, when he had his stroke X amount of years ago, his brain bled which led to parlysis, lost the ability to speak coherently (all he could do was swear, and sing in French. Yeah, appaerntly having a stroke teaches you a language you never knew before, Who knew?) anyways, he had been acting weird the apst couple of days so I dunno if it had been bleeding for a while or if it happened there cuz I'm not about to ask my mom.
My aunt was calling my mom and filling her in, BAWLING, both of them. and I was texting my cousin keeping her informed, and I think she was crying too because her messages were all pretty blah. I tried not to cry, but I did. jsut abit, not one noticed, which isn't hard to do.
(once I was bawling ym eyes out in the car with the radio off, reading this incredibly sad book, which is now my favorite [Between Mom & Jo by Julie Ann Peters] and NO ONE NOTICED. Like, snot rags gallore, I had to stop every sentence or two to clear my eyes, I lost all my makeup in that fit, and no one noticed! Ouch.)
Anyways, he's feeling better, we think because he's acting better than he did yesterday.
Oh, And Grandma says she won't make it to Christmas. ( her brithday)
and the doctors said that Grandpa wouldn't make it through the week, but they also said he would die the first time this happened.
Please don't die grandpa, you still have a life, you still have family.
Such is how it goes,
Rain Dots
Chanson du Jour: Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk
Step-gma was all shakey and tipping over the whole time.
We bought 2 dozen roses and gave them out, I put three on Grandma's headstone because they wanted to be buried together anyways, and then I put one on Grandpa's (He had enough from other people.)
I will forever miss going to Grandpa's house and watching him put in milk before his tea. I will forever miss cabbage rolls and those gaudy, ugly teapots and seafoam colored walls.
R.I.P Grandpa
Then we went to the church, met someone who knew my grandma (she died when I was two.)
Then out to a Linner (lunch/dinner) to one of his favorite spots, had his favorite cellery bread, then we went to his old ice cream spot, then we left. On the way back to the chruch to get my uncles' car, ym mom gets a call saying that grandpa's brain is bleeding.
Holy fucking shit.
Basically, when he had his stroke X amount of years ago, his brain bled which led to parlysis, lost the ability to speak coherently (all he could do was swear, and sing in French. Yeah, appaerntly having a stroke teaches you a language you never knew before, Who knew?) anyways, he had been acting weird the apst couple of days so I dunno if it had been bleeding for a while or if it happened there cuz I'm not about to ask my mom.
My aunt was calling my mom and filling her in, BAWLING, both of them. and I was texting my cousin keeping her informed, and I think she was crying too because her messages were all pretty blah. I tried not to cry, but I did. jsut abit, not one noticed, which isn't hard to do.
(once I was bawling ym eyes out in the car with the radio off, reading this incredibly sad book, which is now my favorite [Between Mom & Jo by Julie Ann Peters] and NO ONE NOTICED. Like, snot rags gallore, I had to stop every sentence or two to clear my eyes, I lost all my makeup in that fit, and no one noticed! Ouch.)
Anyways, he's feeling better, we think because he's acting better than he did yesterday.
Oh, And Grandma says she won't make it to Christmas. ( her brithday)
and the doctors said that Grandpa wouldn't make it through the week, but they also said he would die the first time this happened.
Please don't die grandpa, you still have a life, you still have family.
Such is how it goes,
Rain Dots
Chanson du Jour: Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk
Friday, August 21, 2009
When I'm going down, don't worry bout me. You said you can't see, then I won't take you with me.
So.
Here goes.
My camping experience.
Day 1: Poured rain all night. Woke me up, hardly slept. Parents got up for coffee & Tea at nine.
Day 2 & 3: super windy, pretty cold. No one my age was there. Saw a 3 Year old baby, just eating 'n chillin. Out of someones garbage.
Day 4: Ranger shows up with a note. Grandpa (dad's side, he's in a nursing home) has stopped eating. Do you want to rehydrate him in the hospital? Choice: He's 87, alzheimer's, no.
Day 5: Ranger shows up with a note. Grandpa is dieing. Come.
Day 6: Dad wakes up at 5 in the morning, leaves at 7. Grandpa dies at 2:30.
Day 7: Dad come back to the camping spot, brings sister.
->TIMEWARP!
Week 2
Day 2 & 3: Sailing. got second
Day 4: Sailing still
Day 5: Fun night with by guy friends.
Day before we leave: We throw a party in honor of my Grnadpa, all sailing members come, we bring up the boat he made, sails full. McC collected stories and told them, cried at the end. Dad told stories, cried at the end. Hugs, hugs hugs, thanks for coming, he was a great man, hugs hugs hugs.
I cried a bit the day he died, but still haven't really cried.
Monday: woke up early, supposed to hang out with M, she bailed.
Tuesday: Hung with KQ & S, S has changed
Wednesday: Hung with KT, her hair is funny, we watched 17 Again, was supposed to go to Wonderland (amusement park) with KQ, S and C, but could only go on thursday. We changed our plans.
Thursday: C bails last minute, we're not an odd number, which means one of us will have to ride alone on the rides. (I took it. for EVERYTHING.) Got sick, wanted to see the show. The Zambonie caught fire, they couldn't get the smoke out so it was canceled. Sky turned yellow, shingles flew around, no one could pick us up. An hour later, we have to drive through it, the power's off. Tornado went through Toronto, Where most of my friends live, to whitby, where my god sis lives. And it was supposed to go to where I live.
The sky was yellow, KQ and S were freaking out, sister wasn't home from work. Mom & dad came to pick us up, since she was on her way back from getting stuff out og my gpa's house anyways. When we all got home the storm had passed, and my mom called my aunt to vent about how scary everything was, and talk about when happened with ym step grandma.
Two words in my aunt says "Our mother has lung cancer, her eyes are swollen shut, and her skin is falling off. The doctors have been calling for two weeks but since my grandpa's been left handicapped from his stroke years ago, and my grandma has been bed ridden from a spinal fracture when she tried to pick him up after a fall, they never got it.
Grandma finally called my aunt when her eye was swollen shut.
The funeral for my grandpa is Tomorrow. My grandma is in denial.
People dying, or having cancer, or possibly dieing,
It's now as common as a head cold.
Creativity has left me, I died too.
Rain Dots.
Chanson du Jour: January by Project 1.9
Here goes.
My camping experience.
Day 1: Poured rain all night. Woke me up, hardly slept. Parents got up for coffee & Tea at nine.
Day 2 & 3: super windy, pretty cold. No one my age was there. Saw a 3 Year old baby, just eating 'n chillin. Out of someones garbage.
Day 4: Ranger shows up with a note. Grandpa (dad's side, he's in a nursing home) has stopped eating. Do you want to rehydrate him in the hospital? Choice: He's 87, alzheimer's, no.
Day 5: Ranger shows up with a note. Grandpa is dieing. Come.
Day 6: Dad wakes up at 5 in the morning, leaves at 7. Grandpa dies at 2:30.
Day 7: Dad come back to the camping spot, brings sister.
->TIMEWARP!
Week 2
Day 2 & 3: Sailing. got second
Day 4: Sailing still
Day 5: Fun night with by guy friends.
Day before we leave: We throw a party in honor of my Grnadpa, all sailing members come, we bring up the boat he made, sails full. McC collected stories and told them, cried at the end. Dad told stories, cried at the end. Hugs, hugs hugs, thanks for coming, he was a great man, hugs hugs hugs.
I cried a bit the day he died, but still haven't really cried.
Monday: woke up early, supposed to hang out with M, she bailed.
Tuesday: Hung with KQ & S, S has changed
Wednesday: Hung with KT, her hair is funny, we watched 17 Again, was supposed to go to Wonderland (amusement park) with KQ, S and C, but could only go on thursday. We changed our plans.
Thursday: C bails last minute, we're not an odd number, which means one of us will have to ride alone on the rides. (I took it. for EVERYTHING.) Got sick, wanted to see the show. The Zambonie caught fire, they couldn't get the smoke out so it was canceled. Sky turned yellow, shingles flew around, no one could pick us up. An hour later, we have to drive through it, the power's off. Tornado went through Toronto, Where most of my friends live, to whitby, where my god sis lives. And it was supposed to go to where I live.
The sky was yellow, KQ and S were freaking out, sister wasn't home from work. Mom & dad came to pick us up, since she was on her way back from getting stuff out og my gpa's house anyways. When we all got home the storm had passed, and my mom called my aunt to vent about how scary everything was, and talk about when happened with ym step grandma.
Two words in my aunt says "Our mother has lung cancer, her eyes are swollen shut, and her skin is falling off. The doctors have been calling for two weeks but since my grandpa's been left handicapped from his stroke years ago, and my grandma has been bed ridden from a spinal fracture when she tried to pick him up after a fall, they never got it.
Grandma finally called my aunt when her eye was swollen shut.
The funeral for my grandpa is Tomorrow. My grandma is in denial.
People dying, or having cancer, or possibly dieing,
It's now as common as a head cold.
Creativity has left me, I died too.
Rain Dots.
Chanson du Jour: January by Project 1.9
Monday, August 17, 2009
Au courant
I'm Back.
I had a meh time, I hope whoever's reading this had a better vacation/staycation than I did, because only one night was any sort of special.
why are guys so much easier to get along with?
Girls are just so caddy, and if you ask me,
Finding a bashful guy is a lot easier than finding a bashful girl.
Is no one humble anymore?
Anyways, the night on the rocks watvching a meteor shower with two people who really should have known what a meteor shower looked like, but didn't, and laughing about me & my romance with a 40-50 year old Dutch man with calves the size of footballs & who also ends all of his heavily-accented sentences with "Yeh?"
Also, Second place in Jr. Mirror Dinghy Provincials.
Which was all stupid anyways, because no one was a member except me and we were all single-handing when it should have been two people per boat. Hahaha, there was no wind, and "Harmgardener" got so angry. He was standing up shouting my name in the messed up way he does with some sort of weird accent he doesn't actually have and yelling "THIS IS STOOOPID! CAN WE GO IN?" Hahaha.
"SHUT UP, HARMGARDENER! I'M WORKING ON MY TAN!"
"ELECE!(Alice, supposedly) PUT YOUR F*KING LIFE JACKET BACK ON. THE WINDS ARE TOO NIGH! YOU COULD TIP THE BOAT!"
Again, There was no wind.
However, the droning sarcasm could have easily supplied power to a third world country.
Other than that, and meeting people who sailed a Catamaran, and one girl who was 14 turning 15 in October, but also looked 18, nothing exciting happened. I really wish I could have gotten their e-mail or something, they were cool.
Such 'n such 'n more to come.
-Alice Dotty, Rain dots
Chanson du jour: Nine In the Afternoon - Panic! At the Disco
I had a meh time, I hope whoever's reading this had a better vacation/staycation than I did, because only one night was any sort of special.
why are guys so much easier to get along with?
Girls are just so caddy, and if you ask me,
Finding a bashful guy is a lot easier than finding a bashful girl.
Is no one humble anymore?
Anyways, the night on the rocks watvching a meteor shower with two people who really should have known what a meteor shower looked like, but didn't, and laughing about me & my romance with a 40-50 year old Dutch man with calves the size of footballs & who also ends all of his heavily-accented sentences with "Yeh?"
Also, Second place in Jr. Mirror Dinghy Provincials.
Which was all stupid anyways, because no one was a member except me and we were all single-handing when it should have been two people per boat. Hahaha, there was no wind, and "Harmgardener" got so angry. He was standing up shouting my name in the messed up way he does with some sort of weird accent he doesn't actually have and yelling "THIS IS STOOOPID! CAN WE GO IN?" Hahaha.
"SHUT UP, HARMGARDENER! I'M WORKING ON MY TAN!"
"ELECE!(Alice, supposedly) PUT YOUR F*KING LIFE JACKET BACK ON. THE WINDS ARE TOO NIGH! YOU COULD TIP THE BOAT!"
Again, There was no wind.
However, the droning sarcasm could have easily supplied power to a third world country.
Other than that, and meeting people who sailed a Catamaran, and one girl who was 14 turning 15 in October, but also looked 18, nothing exciting happened. I really wish I could have gotten their e-mail or something, they were cool.
Such 'n such 'n more to come.
-Alice Dotty, Rain dots
Chanson du jour: Nine In the Afternoon - Panic! At the Disco
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